How to fit the last couple of months into one blog post.....from the beginning I guess. A good friend came to us shortly after the loss of our daughter and said when we were ready, she and her husband were ready to talk to us about being a surrogate. This wasn't the first time we had have this conversation with her, but this time was different. I had to take some time to be okay with it. After a lot of mourning, crying and praying, I was there. Admitting that your body is just not going to do something you want it to do as a women is something I don't think I can explain. I've told my husband a hundred times, "I know you love me and support me, but as a man, you will just never understand this".
So, finally, we were ready. We found another old friend that was an attorney who helped us get started on the contract. You would think that 4 people who mutually agreed on everything with little stipulation would make a surrogacy contract pretty simple, but it's actually a pretty complicated process. We made the first appointment with the fertility doctor, in which he determined she is pretty much a perfect candidate for a surrogate. We have had a couple of hiccups along the way, just in the matter of timing things, but guys.....we are THIS close to the big day. Like this week!!! It's amazing how fast the time has flown since we got started. I can't tell you how interesting this has been for me to be on the other side of the doctor's appointments. I go with her and see things I don't remember ever seeing before. I am soaking all these things in I was too stressed out to soak in before.
Don't get me wrong.....the fear is still there. I am scared to death. I want to have 1,000,000% faith that this is going to be perfect, but I feel like that's impossible for me at this point. Letting go feels like losing control, and I feel like I just got some control back. I am over the top, beyond excited, but my reality is I've never been able to celebrate the happy ending during this whole process, so I don't know how to let go of the disappointments.
I hope to have good news to share with you soon. There are obviously no guarantees, but we are all optimistic. There is no reason not to be, so I'm trying to remember that! Keep us in your thoughts and prayers this week!!
A State of Worship
5 days ago